Log

Yellowstone

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03.19.2001 @

"There's an enormous amount of things out there to know: Up until maybe 20 years ago, it was possible to have read pretty widely and know pretty much everything that was going on. What you didn't know when you'd see a reference to it, you could pretty much catch the resonance and hook it in to something so you would understand it. But now... what with the Internet, the greatest disseminator of bad data and bad information the universe has ever known... it's become impossible to trust any news from any source at all, because it's all filtered through this crazy yenta gossip line. It's impossible to know anything. So you're not a stupid person or an ignorant person--you just aren't aware of these certain things."

- Harlan Ellison, making us feel better about ourselves.

I can separate the work from the author. I can like the work and not the author. Harlan can be the biggest ass and I'll still read. But what if the author is more then just an ass. What if the author is a bigot or worse? I figure that I should not let myself be robbed of a good read because of that.

I've recently posted a few things from David Sim's infamous misogyny manifesto in Reads. I took what I liked and ignored the rest, like a literary smorgasbord. Darren recently posted a bunch of links of David Sim misogyny pages. What really struck me was the link to what David put in his latest issue. It's an open letter to Jeff Smith and something I won't normally see since I only buy the collected 'phonebooks' and miss out on all the letters and rants.

"Jeff, I am saying, flat out, that you have lied. In lying, you have made a mess--a non-masculine mess.

You have made a mess.

Publicly.

Let's you and me, man-to-man, clean up the mess that you have made.

Privately."

-David Sim

"Because boys lack a biological marker like menstruation, to be man is to be not female. Contemporary feminism called this "misogyny," but it was wrong. Masculine identity is embattled and fragile. In the absence of opportunity for heroic physical action, as in the modern office world, women's goodwill is crucial for preserving the male ego, which requires, alas, daily maintenance. It is in the best interests of the human race, and of women themselves, for men to be strong."

- Camille Paglia in Vamps and tramps, p85

I'd like to think: That people tend to be taught to act male or female early on and they respond to this. That a certain portion of a person's behavior is breed into them just as it can be breed out of them. That the hormonal makeup of a person can affect their actions, but not determine them. In fact, all these things don't determine anything. From biology to MTV, they influence and do not determine action. Apart from the occasional psychotic break and a few drug-addled idiots (of which I have not been immune from in the past) people are irrevocably responsible for their actions.

"Man is condemned to be free"

- Jean-Paul Sartre, French existentialist (1905-1980)

"The alarming fact is that all of us have more in common with Aaron McKinney than we have that separates us. All of us are potentially murderers and bigots. All of us have wanted to strangle what we find threatening."

-Donna Minkowitz

As far as Harlan's comment's go, I feel that the internet is still worth it. The more you read and debate, the closer you come to understanding. The internet speeds up the whole process. Sure there is more bullshit then ever to sift through, but you become a better sifter.

I could try and analyze why Donna irks me so. Perhaps it's because I take my problems in life and internalize them. I climb to an intellectual summit where the pain and emotion can't reach me. It's a lonely place being up there and I get tired easily with the air being so thin, but I got used to it the more times I climbed. Soon I realized I didn't need to climb anymore. I can just remember the view and move on.

Donna seems to like to go into the cave where the problem lives and study it. She tries to scare herself that it could be her and then feel superior that she is not. The more she looks at it, the more things she sees that are familiar. The closer she looks, the more she believes that it could be her, the more it could be anyone.

You know who I'm quoting next, right? You clever bastard.

"Be careful when fighting monsters, lest ye become a monster yourself; and if you look into an abyss long enough, the abyss will also look into you."

-Nietzsche

03.15.2001 @

"I'm a doctor, not an engineer."

- Robert Picardo as The Doctor in Star Trek: Voyager: Flesh and blood mimics the original Bones.

I have not been a big fan of Voyager, but since the series is coming to a halt I have been curious to at least see how they were going to wrap things up. Deep Space 9 went out with a lot of fighting, loud explosions in space, and was pretty damn cool. So this 2 hour Flesh and Blood episode had it's share of fighting, loud explosions in space, and was pretty damn cool. It also posed the question of hologram rights. The holograms seem to take on sentient archetypes of various Star Trek races or professions in The Doctor's case. The antagonists are the Hirogen, a psychological hybrid of the Klingon warrior or more precisely a ripoff of the Predator in the the guise of the aliens from Enemy Mine. In fact, one of the holograms even looks like the alien Princess Lea tried to pass herself off as in Return of the Jedi. The Hirogen have taken holodeck technology given to them by Captain Janeway to train themselves to fight those nasty holograms. One Hirogen decided to make the holograms better prey by programing them with the ability to adapt, improve, and suffer (if they didn't suffer when killed, what satisfaction is there for the hunter?) So the holograms are forced to be be hunted and killed over and over again until they finally evolve a plan to escape and kill their tormentors. They are pursued and Voyager gets mixed up in the struggle.

It's a great science fiction theme well grounded in 2001, Ghost in the Shell, and many others. It's the question of where the boundaries of being sentient lie. The efforts to pass the Turing test continue, but it seems that we are becoming our technology faster then it is becoming us. It won't be long before we control technology with our minds or blur the distinction between machine and person completely. The cyborg age is coming and you can embrace it's manifesto, ignore it, or fear it.

"(16) Also it causes all, both small and great, both rich and poor, both free and slave, to be marked on the right hand or the forehead, (17) so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark, that is, the name of the beast or the number of its name."

-Relevation 13, the favorite passage of many fear fostering fundamentalists

There was an episode of the Outer limits that portrayed a futuristic society completely cyber-linked to each other in a vast network 'stream.' Soon the stream began to use people to acquire more information. From counting the hairs on someone's arm to studying the growth of bathroom tile scum, information was gathered without any consideration of value. Sounds a lot like geocities pages...

Are we headed for trouble? Is the future doomed? Is virtual reality poised to overtake reality? Is there going to be Playstation 2's available in my area soon?

"The cultural world is very much a construction of our dreams, those that express wishes but also those that give shape to our deepest terrors--visions of utopias but also of apocalypse...Nobody invented the apocalyptic facts of our end-of-millennium culture--free-falling economies, drastic overpopulation, wars and famines--but our projections of imagination onto these vents (phantasies, in Freudian usage) express at least as much about the state of the world as they do about our desires and wishes for that world."

- Mark Kingwell, Dreams of Millennium

The continual outpouring of our worst nightmares and wildest dreams into the cultural landscape seeps into our behavior and those on the outskirts of moral constraints will surely try to realize these things. Turn back, run and hide, or embrace?

It's probably obvious what I've decided with my new Temple of Pong. It's a good way to bleed off a bit of that gaming knowledge. I'm trying to also figure out more web related stuff. It's slow going, but I have discovered that web design doesn't interest me. I'd rather just write or code. I'm trying to do more of both.

It looks like I will have some reprieve as King county residents (me) don't have to file taxes until April 30th.

03.08.2001 @

"One might propose that I am either insanely brave or quite insane. I'd answer neither. I'd say insanely loyal. Take your pick. There is insanity in all the answers."

-Robert Philip Hanssen (American Counter-intelligence agent caught giving russia secrets)

The discovery of this mole is likely a sign of the increasing amount of spying going on.

For some people the smarter they are the more lonely they become. Robert's brains and arrogance lead him on a lonely path. Being a Type T personality didn't help either.

"The ability to be alone, to have isolation as your primary state of existence, will serve you in good stead in any situation in which you find yourself. The ability to live in Merged Permanence teaches you only how to function within the context of Another's neurouses, inadequacies and failings. It teaches you how to use your own neuroses, inadequacies and failings as both cudgel and petition. When the Merged Permanence ends, whether next week, next year, five years from now, ten years from now, you are left with completely useless life skills, emptiness, fear, and emotional hunger."

-David Sim, Cerebus #186

It's seems that people in this country are still able to exercise quite a bit of freedom to explore. At times it might not feel that way, but when you look at how China is treating the followers of Falun Gong you have to almost be embarrassed for those trying to legitimize being a Jedi as a religion.

Our own freedom is always changing. Napster sure has brought the freedom to enjoy music to everyone's attention. I'm sure it added a strain on Metallica once they saw the truth. Could all this having something to do with:

The top ten songs of the 20th Century

1. "Over the Rainbow," Judy Garland
2. "White Christmas," Bing Crosby
3. "This Land Is Your Land," Woody Guthrie
4. "Respect," Aretha Franklin
5. "American Pie," Don McLean
6. "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy," Andrews Sisters
7. "West Side Story" (album), original Broadway cast
8. "Take Me out to the Ball Game," Billy Murray
9. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'," Righteous Brothers
10. "The Entertainer," Scott Joplin

I'm just amazed that they would compile this list of 365 songs to show us all their horrible taste. Sure they including stuff that I like, but the ranking is ludicrous. It surprised me that they would recognize such good songs as 'Rapper's Delight', "Fight for your right', or anything by Prince. To have TLC's 'No Scrubs' and Destiny's Child's 'Bills, Bills, Bills' anywhere on the list is obscene. Overall the list it slanted toward ancient, patriotic, Christmas music and even contains music most people won't admit to ever liking('It's hammer time'). When you put 'Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer' as the 31st best song in a century you are just begging for one hit wonder, Don Mclean's, words to ring true and let music DIE! Which came in at number five so we can almost assume that this is their intention.

So I would like to say to the Recording Industry of America Association (RIAA), the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), Scholastic Inc. and AOL that you have proved that music taste is at best a purely individual affair. The commercial music pushed on the masses only increases your bank accounts and does nothing to support good music.

It's a crazy world, but Indiana is stranger then most places. In one place they ban music. In another place they host Vannila Ice.

As the battle for music wages on, the struggles over DVD encryption gets exposure in a mainstream comic.

In a move that can only mark all programmer's as forever being the bane of all politicians, lawyers, and profiteers, some MIT programmers descrambled CSS in 7 lines of Perl.

$_='while(read+STDIN,$_,2048){$a=29;$b=73;$c=142;$t=255;@t=map{$_%16or$t^=$c^=(
$m=(11,10,116,100,11,122,20,100)[$_/16%8])&110;$t^=(72,@z=(64,72,$a^=12*($_%16 -
2?0:$m&17)),$b^=$_%64?12:0,@z)[$_%8]}(16..271);if((@a=unx"C*",$_)[20]&48){$h
=5;$_=unxb24,join"",@b=map{xB8,unxb8,chr($_^$a[--$h+84])}@ARGV;s/...$/1$&/;$ d=unxV,xb25,$_;$e=256|(ord$b[4])<<9|ord$b[3];$d=$d8^($f=$t&($d12^$d4^
$d^$d/8))<<17,$e=$e8^($t&($g=($q=$e14&7^$e)^$q*8^$q<<6))<<9,$_=$t[$_]^ (($h=8)+=$f+(~$g&$t))for@a[128..$#a]}print+x"C*",@a}';s/x/pack+/g;eval

print pack"C*",split/\D+/,`echo "16iII*o\U@{$/=$z;[(pop,pop,unpack"H*",<>
)]}\EsMsKsN0[lN*1lK[d2%Sa2/d0<X+d*lMLa^*lN%0]dsXx++lMlN/dsM0<J]dsJxp"|dc`

"Life has more imagination then we carry in our dreams..."

-Christopher Columbus

03.05.2001 @

"I don't believe anything I write or say. I regard belief as a form of brain damage, the death of intelligence, the fracture of creativity, the atrophy of imagination. I have opinions but no Belief System (B.S.)"

-Robert Anton Wilson

OK, no party, no problem. The mayor made an anecdote that it's like children playing in a schoolyard. They get into a fight and get hurt. When the Principal comes out, they blame him. I can understand where he is coming from.

It just boggles my mind that after WTO the Seattle police are no wiser. It's not like this kind of stuff is an unknown science. Much larger crowds have been contained by fewer police in many cities all over the world. The problem was that the police were responding to the crowd as a crowd and not as individuals. They pulled out of the immediate area and allowed things to intensify. Rather then handle those that caused trouble they either didn't respond at all or much to late. I don't blame the individual officers. They were obeying orders and the chief is willing to accept the blame. Maybe he just needs to learn a few things. I hope he does.

A lot of the fighting was purely the result of drinking macho bullshit. The crowd was almost entirely composed of teenagers and folks in their 20's. I noticed after a while that a lot of the more violent fighting was being instigated by a small group of kids who just so happen to be black.

My feeling is that this was a street gang that took advantage of the room police gave them for some ultra-violence. It's hard for people to not react when someone is killed while trying to help a girl in trouble. I can see some people might just use this as fuel to their hatred of blacks.

An article by John H. McWhorter points out that attitude is a major factor keeping blacks from succeeding. I'm sure this is true for some, just as it is true that some blacks are capable of violence. The road to equality is long and hard. Thankfully in most countries the darkest days have past. People like Steve Biko gave their lives so we could get this far. Things like affirmative action are not perfect, but I have not heard of better ways to insure change.

Why are all our solutions so damn myopic? Why has feeling become more important then reason? Movies are pure emotional motivators, as is music, as are commercials. Who is pushing us to feel happy and who is pushing us to feel angry?

"It's part of the official advertising world view that your parents are creeps, teachers are nerds and idiots, authority figures are laughable, nobody can really understand kids except the corporate sponsor."

As a regular viewer of Survivor that enjoys this Machiavellian play, I would like to point out the scene in last week's episode where the contestants were shown the food they were competing for, Doritos and Mountain Dew. One of them even parroted the "Do the Dew" ad line! Here they are in the outback fighting against malnutrition and their prize is junk food! Hahahaha! OK, that's not funny. Those poor...Bahahaha! Anyway, it's clear that these folks are fully saturated by advertising to not be just a little pissed that their picnic wasn't a bit more substantial.

Dave Sim is working his way towards the end of his Cerebus story. At issue 186 he released a huge blow directed towards the worst qualities of feminism.

"Reason, as any husband can tell you, doesn't stand a chance in an argument with Emotion. There are no rules to an Emotional Argument. You simply wander around in rhetorical circles until you feel Happy again."

-Dave Sim, Cerebus #186

I realize that when I criticized Bill Maher's remarks about retarded children. It was an emotional reaction. We don't want to feel the pain of the truth. Of course, the lack of tact is bad.

When idiots hurt themselves because of the show Jackass do we have to ban it to protect them?

"There is no cure for willful stupidity."

-Dave Sim, Cerebus #186

And when his humble TV servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(Depending on which book you're using at the time...
Can't use theirs...
It don't work...
It's all lies...
Gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following God's Orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An' the book says:
He made us all to be just like Him,"
so...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
( and maybe a little ugly on the side)

-Frank Zappa, Dumb all Over

"From a geological perspective all human history looks temporary. What I mean to convey is the acceleration of chaotic (unpredictible) events in the last decade. Information and chaos are shaking everything loose."

-Robert Anton Wilson

"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency."

-Albert Einstein

I've known a lot of people go mad over the years, and it is more distressing than people dying. People dying is quite natural, people going mad is the complete antithesis of that. Just after I became a magician, the son of a close friend of mine - who was a kind of rave culture casualty - had quite a powerful and florid breakdown. Very grim, I was going to visit him every day in the local loony bin - I wouldn't dignify it with the term 'mental home' - and his florid beliefs, his messianic fantasies, and I was listening to him and thinking "well, he's putting it in different terms, but this is pretty much what I believe." Where are we going with this? I cannot I stand here with my hand on my heart and say that my perceptions of reality are any madder than his, or less mad, what's this about? The best description I could come up with was that somebody had said "all of us, as human beings, through our accumulated perceptions, that could be considered to be our window on reality - what we perceive. We know that it is limited, what we perceive, but it is still our window upon reality. Just as if you are looking out of a window from your house, you can see a little bit of the houses across the street, a little bit of sky - you know there is a whole universe out there, but the limits of your window just show you that view. What the magician is attempting to do is alter the dimension or the angle of that window, broaden it perhaps, tilt it so it can see different things. The schizophrenic has had their window kicked in, the magician has got a body of law - probably most of it bollocks, it doesn't matter. The magician's got a system into which the alien information that will be pouring into him or her will be fitted. They've got a filing cabinet, like the Qabalah, which is a filing cabinet for ideas. It divides the whole universe up into ten drawers. Any experience can be passed into one of the drawers. The schizophrenic is probably having exactly the same experience as the magician but has no context in which to understand it. If I see some particularly florid vision, I can think 'right, Qabalistically, because I saw this number of flying talking fishes, then this number relates to here on the Qabalah, the fact that they were fishes would mean they tend to relate to this, and I can start to make sense of this apparently incoherent vision. The schizophrenic can't. They get the same feeling. The schizophrenics I have known, the most evident thing about it is the interconnectedness of everything. That's standard lunacy, it's also standard magic. But with one of them, it is uncontrollable, you are lost in a world in which everything is obviously connected by symbolic threads. That is what the magician is seeking, to see these threads that connect things up. If you've got a system - even if it's a completely made-up bogus system - then you've at least got a filing cabinet to sort this stuff into, you don't have to get crushed under it.

-Alan Moore

The priest caste then creates moral laws to control the social development of people. At this stage they still must maintain the "God-fearing" aspect of the herd. The conception of God retains an anthropomorphic character.

The third stage is what he calls a cosmic religious feeling which there is no anthromorphic conception of God.

"The individual feels the futility of human desires and aims the sublimity and marvelous order which reveal themselves both in nature and in the world of thought. Individual existence impresses him as a sort of prison and he wants to experience the universe as a single significant whole."

-Albert Einstein

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs: no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."

-Albert Einstein

When I was a kid, I used to go to the seaside and play in the waves. The thing you learn about waves, is that when you see a big one coming, you run towards it. You try and get out of its way and you'll end up twenty yards up the beach covered in scratches. Dive into it, and then you can get behind it. You get on top it, you won't be hurt. It is counter-intuitive, the impulse is to run away, but the right thing to do is to plunge into it deliberately, and be in control when you do it. Magic is a response to the madness of the twentieth century.

-Alan Moore

It's the standard moron's question that drove me away from comic conventions; "Where do you get your ideas from?" And yet, it is the only question worth asking. Where do we get these ideas from? Something is not there, then it is an idea from, then it is a book you pick up and read. Where is this nothing, this pregnant vacuum, that these things come from? Once you've noticed that then sooner or later you are going to have to come to turns with it. You've got something that is pouring ideas down into you. When I was twenty-five my big problem was that I had so many ideas, I couldn't finish any of them. Everyone has been through that phrase. The big sprawling projects laying around in your head that vaguely depress you because you know you are never going to finish it. You need to get this raw energy into some form of acceptable, digestible form for the rest of the population.

-Alan Moore

03.01.2001 @

There is a place known as Hollywood
Where people make movies both Bad and good.
With so many movies being made there
A shortage of titles creates some Despair.

Movies are being made each Monday
More on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday
Friday they leave early for A Friday Night Date.
Saturday they then sleep really late.

They watch Football on Sunday
Because on Any Given Sunday
Someone will win A Little Bet
Or they'll be downloading porn on The Net.

The Weekend is gone all too soon.
It seems like a Decade before it's Thursday Afternoon.
It isn't till Next Friday that they find
That no title for the film has come to their mind.

One Month Later things are looking Grim.
What can get them out of the Situation they are in?
In comes consultants with A Program to share.
They input some data with meticulous care.

The program has issues to be quite frank
It's math level is surely not high in rank.

Does 1+1=3 or 1+1=1?
When you take 8 1/2 x 11 and 12+1 does it matter when 1=2?

After The 6th Day of mathmatical injury
The consultants completed their Crime of the Century.
The bill charged 1,000 Dollars a minute instead of Six Dollars a Minute.
Before they could start The Chase
The consultants were Gone in Sixty Seconds
Proving that perhaps for all Time
Naming movies is as hard as ryhming every line.

02.28.2001 @

Since Friday people have been gathering in Pioneer Square to party. At about midnight things tend to get a little more wild. Women show off their breasts, fights break out, and eventually the police move in to disperse the crowd. I decided to see it for myself on Fat Tuesday.

The walk down James street is a steep downward plunge. The huge crowd was clearly visible from several blocks away. At about 12:15am when I arrived, it was still a party. The majority of the people there were very young. It seemed like they were either there to have fun or to watch the fun. Then a few women began the usual flashing for beads. One young women on a streetlight brought it up a notch when she also dropped her pants. Not satisfied with that she then allowed some stranger to eat her out.

15 minutes later fights were breaking out only to quickly resolve themselves. "Damn! That dude got dropped cold!" some kid exclaimed beside me and I turned to see someone face down in the street unconscious. People gathered around him. Some were videotaping him. That made me feel a little sick. There were video cameras in a lot of people's hands.

The police moved out of the square itself after many bottles were thrown at them. Now that the police were away the fights became more frequent. People in the crowd shot off fireworks and smoke bombs. People strarted running, fearing tear gas or guns. Idiots kept throwing bottles into the crowd. At one point a women was flashing to the left of me while a group of people were fighting to my right.

As a fight erupted by him a man whipped a cymbal by a string around him. It made a chaotic sound as it skipped over street.

I tried to stay in areas where I smelled pot. Hopefully, these would be less dangerous areas, but the fighting knew no bounds. A group of black men were beating someone I could not see and one of them had a skateboard in his hands. He raised it over his head several times probably landing on someone's head.

Things were deteriorating quickly. Women that flashed their breasts were not met by cheers as much as by hands trying to cop a feel. Fireworks that were shot in the air to the entertainment of all were now being aimed at people. A man driving what appeared to be an older model Nissan hatchback drove down Yesler into the the crowd. He was not concerned about hitting anyone and suffered many broken windows and dents from an angry crowd.

A grifter tried to get money with the story that someone had stole his wallet and he needed $40 to get it back. Suddenly there was a "pop" and then several more. It sounded like gunfire. A lot of people thought it was and got scared. A surge of people began to run from 1st and Yesler. People shouted "Don't run!", "There are more of us!" That seemed to work, but as I looked north on 1st a line of police were moving south. The "party" was over.

People that had ran one way now ran the other from the police. I decided to join them at a fast walk pace. I reached 2nd when the first Tear gas canister burst. The police channeled everyone southwest. I saw one yuppie exchanging heated words with a cop over this. I guess walking a couple more blocks is too much for some people, but it was a smart move by the police that would make it hard for people to regroup elsewhere.

The police were stuck in a no win situation. In this case it appears that they did not act quickly enough to stop the worst of the violence. Many fights were not stopped. The idea that it might risk the safety of the police if they were to interfere and that people were asking for trouble just being there. The latter part is a scary application of logic. Most of the fights involved two stupid people trying to find out who was better, but sometimes people would get dragged into fights they didn't deserve. One guy got hit by a chain-wielding maniac for no apparent reason other then to sate his bloodlust.

I saw the most ugly face that Seattle has to offer. I felt the reactionary nature of the crowd. It's frightening ability to panic instantly. The way it gathers to gawk at a female willing to expose herself and the way it spreads and then gathers to watch a fight shows the coldness of group mind. I have to remind myself that this bad reflection is of the crazy, thoughtless few. I have to remember that in my hometown they rioted when the Bulls won. Idiots are common the world over. The images of someone being beaten with a skateboard are all too vivid now and make a terrible parallel to the scene in Kids.

I survived Mardi Gras in Seattle.

- I also survived the Earthquake. They are saying it came in at 6.2 7.0 6.8. I managed to get away with little damage. For my first Earthquake this was pretty intense.

02.27.2001 @

"During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die. "

-Nelson Mandela (speech at his trial)

February is the shortest month. It is also Black History Month. The last century has pushed the whole world forward in it's understanding of race. King's dream feels like it could be realized in my lifetime. The courage of people like Nelson Mandela will hopefully inspire someone to echo his ways in Israel. Africa is still struggling in places like Sierra Leone that is regularly ignored by US media in favor of boring tidbits about the latest celebrity marital problems. Even in Kenya the government officials abuse their power.

As science is pealing through the layers of DNA we are finding that the factors of race seem more and more cosmetic. At times our growing sensitivity can result in overreactions. When science goes into the social arena the results can be hard to swallow. Edward O Wilson found that out. It's alright to make all sorts of claims on the genetic makeup of various animals and insects, but to apply any of that to people steps on all sorts of toes in religion, science, and philosophy.

It doesn't help him to point out to the ugly secret behind American prosperity.

"We live in a delusional state...America in particular imposes an horrendous burden on the world. We have this wonderful standard of living but it comes at enormous cost."

"To bring the world's 6bn people using today's technology up to the level of the average American will require four more Planet Earths. I've seen the figures for this assessment, I've repeated them in front of a wide variety of experts, nobody has refuted it. "It's an enormous differential. The right-wing know-nothings in the conservative think-tanks in Washington, and the demagogues of whom we have an abundance in the US keep coming back: 'Well, that's what America is all about, we want the rest of the world to reach our standard, right?' Wrong! We're running out of land. The two major challenges for the 21st century are to improve the economic situation of the majority and save as much of the planet as we can."

"The prestige of the government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land then passing laws which cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase of crime in this country is closely connected with this."

-Albert Einstein

Why them say you must not use the herb? You see. We hear them say, "No, you musn't use it. You musn't use it because it'd make you rebel." Against what? Against men who want a career, because a career fulfill things like some material things and have more of a captivated mind until you say, "Well you have to work for your pension and to keep it all." It make you look apon yourself. Instead of you want to work for the man, you want to be the man too and not in the sense of how he is, but in the sense of why should you have to bow to these things. This means you're your own man. The first time you own yourself. You do what you want to do. Anything people say about you, you don't care."

-- Bob Marley, who was his own man.

The use of private citizens, a.k.a. Mercenaries, in Columbia reminds me of the game(big surprise right?) Jagged Alliance 2. Using the Campaign editor I was thinking of making a Columbian drug war campaign, but the limitations of the editor frustratingly many. Since you can't add or change quests and non-player characters the editor is fairly useless and the value of the expansion sinks considerably.

One note during this 'game tangent' is that the eagerly longed for Black & White is due to ship March 30th.

With all these political talk it probably won't surprise you that after taking this survey, it told me I was a New Aquarian. According to The Secret Language of Birthdays I was born of the Day of Quicksilver, which can explain why my writing here tends to jump topics and my general frenetic nature. I've always had a casual interest in Astrology because it always seemed to peg me. I know lots of people that don't seem to fit theirs. Is this because they deny their nature or proof that it's all coincidence?

I like the book regardless, because it's interesting to look up someone's day when they visit and because I can turn to it and see that today is the Day of the Reality Masters and that Ralph Nader was born today. I just heard on NPR that it's John Stienbeck's and Henry Longfellow's birthday as well. I would use the word "serendipity" here if it didn't bring up sour memories of my last job and the fact that those promised weeks of severance have not appeared. Today is also Fat Tuesday and I'm thinking about heading out to Pioneer Square to see if people start acting stupid like they have the past few days. Breaking windows and looting being the past-time of the most intellectually vacant amongst us.

It's what scares me most of all. That for all our progress there remains a large population of idiots. Due to their nature they tend to reproduce rapidly and we are supported them by putting warning labels on everything. Is it elitist to think we shouldn't cater to people that need to be told to not be wearing what they are ironing? Anyone in the IT industry is aware of the problem.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

-Rich Cook

The recent death of Dale Earnhardt not only showed the longstanding division between the North and the South as clearly as the election did, but it showed where our priorities are when important people die.

I listened to the President talk today. I don't understand his stance on the Death tax which is republican for the Estate tax. He makes it sound as if it affects a lot more then the obscenely rich. Maybe he wants more of Daddy's money? The Estate tax enables equal opportunity rather then allow the rich to keep it in the family and start an american aristocracy.

He also talked about giving more money to the military folks. I have to admit that the current Army ad campaign with Recruit profiles reminds me of Sally Struthers commercials. "For only six cents a day you can provide the money for ammunition to keep PFC Santiago alive. So please call now."

As far as the President's grasp on foriegn affairs goes, I recall the cover page of a newspaper depicting in an eerie Dr. Stranglove manner the President riding ontop an F15 while waving a cowboy hat.

"Well he got this new globe for Christmas. He's found a lot of new countries."

-Robert J. Dole, when asked by Conan O'Brian about how some people were concerned that GWB doesn't have a good grasp about current affairs

I have to admit that I was so happy that the annoying Kimmi was voted out. The inevitable animal rights activist outcry seemed silly.

``The fact is, this animal died and suffered for entertainment purposes masquerading as hunting and gathering,''

-Humane Society Senior Vice President Wayne Pacelle

How is it masquerading when the pig was eaten afterwards? Animals suffer and die all the time and now I'm supposed to believe this time it's wrong because it's on TV vegetarianism is a luxury of modern society. Some people take it up merely to eat more healthy like myself. Some take it up because they can't stomach the killing of animals for any reason. Finally, some people take it up just to feel morally superior to carnivorous masses and they bug the shit out of me.

Time to go out and discover what tear gas smells like.

Random thought of the day: If Ricki Lake was deaf, when she did her "talk to the hand" thing would it be kind of redundant?

02.21.2001 @

What can good can one say about the 43rd Grammys that isn't forced out like concrete constipation? Yeah, Madonna knows how to wiggle on a limo and still not impress me. John Stewart manages to wax unfunny time and time again. Heather and Kid Rock are color coordinated announcing Macy Gray won something and we see hasty cuts to stars before another set of ads.

Take a breath and John Stewart babbles on and N'sync sings. Now a couple of TV comics shoot T-shirts at the crowds. Steely Dan wins something and manages to not appear phased at all. More gratuitous shots of stars in the crowd and back to the ads.

John admits he sucks, but what does he suck? Destiny's Child is a phony cacophony and proves that wearing very little makes you win very big. Back to the ads. Heinykin is trying to subvert the origin of lame concert lighter llamas. Oh yeah, next one should be of the creation of the first beer bong being filled with heinys.

Paul Simon is still alive he just sounds half dead. Toni Braxton shows that even the past Grammy winners barely wore clothes. Yes, Eminem picks up a Grammy and I can't pretend to be surprised.

Faith Hill shows that country can be entertaining if your hot and my mute button works. Damn, they cut back to John and they haven't gagged him yet, "Shopliftster." Yeah, John you can start up Schlockster. Bad jokes for everyone. U2 music sounds like it is so good. You have to like it, you must like it, you can't not like it. Like it, Like it! OK they stopped singing what was I thinking, I hate U2, mind control. They won. They are hypnotoads! (obscure Futurama reference)

The Heiny folks subvert the peace symbol, all of your history are belong to to us! Too much Habanero in my food. I'm spitting flame.

Damn, Shelby and Cheryl Crow impress me that they can read the teleprompter and U2 gets another one.

They are going through awards presented earlier and it's going by quick. Damn, something furry crawled up on Kevin Reagon's head.

John is making me shiver with the desire to throw something at him. Blue Man group does push music along when they combine an instrument with a projectile launcher.

Shelby wins something and shows once again the power of skimpy clothing. I think all the women are required to wears cloths like that so I keep watching.

"Bayuoo pa ba muyaaaaack!" Yeah, it's music without instruments, achypello. Hey Tony Bennet is still alive, I think...

U2 wins again and I'm almost ready to change the channel. They are giving U2 awards just to torture me. Bastards.

Hey, its Christina Agullwawa and she's can't get out of this thing they lowered her down in. Now she's free of it. Now she's having trouble taking her coat thing off. There it goes. She's dancing with everyone and I don't know what she's saying...Oh well Shakira won. What a cool name. Japanese = Akira, Latin = Shakira, Liquor = Tequila. Yes, alcohol might get me through this!

John were you ever funny? You are going into joke point deficit hell. Hey, classic piano is cool, but couldn't he pick a better piece? Val Kilmer looks like he wants to be anywhere but here. Did he just wake up? Run Val! They are on the warpath, they are gathering their nations, "What you say?" He thanked Jesus, who I think played the bass drum for them.

Yeah, Heiny takes scratching now. Note to self, do not kiss Dentyne chewing women or you could cause massive cold damage.

Were having a country moment. What a big hat...Dolly is sporting the "I dream of Genie" hairdo. Country music is popular outside of the US because the English is slow and easy to understand and therefore a good way to learn English. Country music is popular inside the US because it is slow and easy to understand for those whose family tree does not fork. Faith Hill won something and her husband's hat is huge.

Hey, hey, it's Dr. Dre as the producer of the year. Now we look back at The Who and Bob Marley... The pres is trying to justify giving Eminem a grammy.

The moment is here. Eminem singing with a queer.
Oh, what shock it is to say such things about those that are gay.
Taking pot shots at boy bands and girl bands is not so out of hand.
But you don't talk about things worth taking a stand.
So you are just playing with us man.
You think that everything is all right because of your song Stan.
Sure the money must be great, but must the music be so filled with hate?

Stevie Wonder is the hardest working man there. He ain't reading any teleprompters and rattled off all the nominees. Steely Dan again. They are only slightly amused now. I could pull a Volkswagon out of my ass and it wouldn't impress these guys.

I survived the Grammys.

02.19.2001 @

"The great thing about being ignored is that you can speak the truth with impunity."

-Toxicology, Steve Aylett

It was difficult to irritate Satan, but that accomplished it.

"What an ass you are!" he said. "Are you so unobservant as to not have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination? No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those. The few that imagine themselves kings or gods are happy, the rest are no happier then the sane."

-Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger

We can go the x-files direction of aliens forces waging war over our big blue ball. I imagine war propaganda campaigns based on the old SEGA "say it" commercials replacing "SEGA" with "KININIGIN".

As crazy as that all sounds their are strange things on this world. I plan to visit the Oregon Vortex when I can. An area where laws of physics are violated is certainly high on my list of vacation spots. I can only wonder what John Lister discovered that caused him to burn all his notes. Are we not ready?

Is our accelerated march to higher technology outpacing our own capacity to handle it? What hubris humanity had when we stole apocalypse from God with our nuclear know how. Now we probe own our blueprints to perhaps redesign our own image. When God does not present himself to our queries we presume to become him. If one is to accept time as being something more then a linear track, then we may have always been gods or at least their ancestors.

Our "now" has become at once more unforgivingly brief and unprecedently elastic.

-William Gibson

The physics top ten of questions reveal the problems of knowing anything. Information is it's own science. The pursuit of knowledge is the Hercules fight with the hydra.

Reforms by advances, that is, by new methods or gadgets, are of course impressive at first, but in the long run they are dubious and in any case dearly paid for. They by no means increase the contentment or happiness of people on the whole. Mostly, they are deceptive sweetenings of existence, like speedier communications which unpleasantly accelerate the tempo of life and leave us with less time then ever before. Omnis festinatio ex parte diaboli est--all haste is of the devil, as the old masters used to say.

-C. G. Jung

There is some hope that the generation connected by the internet will use it's meme production abilities to advance us all.

The segue into games is the new meme "All your base are belong to us!" that rides on the japanese to english translation of the game Zerowing. Another example of fine photoshop subversion shows that history is a mallaeble entity for the masses. So it would seem that true history is now as easy to divine as winning a Ronald Reagan memory game.

"The less we understand of what our fathers and forefathers sought, the less we understand ourselves, and thus we help with all our might to rob the individual of his roots and his guiding instincts, so that he becomes a particle in the mass, ruled only by what Nietzsche called the spirit of gravity."

-C. G. Jung

Thankfully, I still remember much of the C64 era of games. The music from this time is enjoying a revival. One of the songs on there is for a game called Way of the Exploding Fist, a version of Karate Champ

The first fighting game was Karate Champ. the game even appeared in the movie Bloodsport which has the distinction of not only being the only good Jean Claude Van Damme movie, but also one of the few movies that I believe uses the original video games sounds. For some reason most movies replaces the original sounds with inferior sound effects. Such movies are The Princess Bride on the good movie end and Maximum Overdrive on the side of "yuck."

As more games are becoming movies, perhaps the games that do appear in them can get more respect. Of course when Van Damme does Street Fighter it doesn't help anyone, but when I see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon I think Ye Ar Kung-Fu so there may be hope.

I suppose I could wallow endlessly in the seas of C64 SID music. So I'll just link remixes of the classics Bubble Bobble and Spy vs. Spy and briefly move back to magic.

I decided to try out Grant's little guide yesterday. I created a nice sigil for a good job and then decided to take a walk and see if I could find magical meaning in my environment. It was a nice afternoon and I walked somewhat aimlessly through the nearby freeway park. I passed by a man that said "I gotta take a piss." He turned towards the street and began to piss on Pike street as cars and people passed.

I kept walking and didn't look back. Now my mystical magic musings were at siege by images of a peculiar pissing person from Pike street. Maybe magic is not my thing?

02.14.2001 @

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

-Albert Einstein

There were quite a few cool games for this system. Quest for the Rings was one of those. The only viable classes were the warrior and the essential wizard. The Changeling was OK, but boring to play. You could get by the Dragon easily but, had a horrible time navigating through the levels with lava walls. Of course, the Phantom was totally useless in this case because his ability would not save him. The wizard is the classic example of an Odyssey "dude." In other games like Take the money and Run you were: or Showdown in 2001 AD's:

Here are the simple instructions to Take the money and Run which had some great cheats. A standard tactic would be to lure the little guy to your opponent and then try and zap yourself through the screen with the cheat which was all rather funny and fun.

Other favorites include Pick Axe Pete, Monkey Shines, KC Munchkin, and Attack of the Timelord. It was a great system and then everything changed again when he got a TI99/4A and I entered the world of personal computer gaming. One good game was the super hard Parsec, but I remember most was Tunnels of Doom.

Tunnels of Doom came on a cartridge and cassette tape. It was the first true computer RPG that I ever played. Navigation through the dungeons was like an ultra primitive first-person perspective and combat was like a simple version of early Ultimas. It was a long game and I don't believe you could actually "save" it.

Needless to say, I could go on and on tracing through the VIC-20, C64, Atari XX00's, C128, Amiga, and such, but I want to just establish that I have played my share of digital games. My desire to break into the realm of gaming might just be to start writing about it. This shoddy review of Jagged Alliance 2: Unfinished Business shows that you don't even have to be very good at reviewing. Several of his negative points like aiming and squad control are clearly detailed in the manual and show that despite his claims of knowledge of the genre I doubt he even played JA2. The fact that he doesn't mention that it includes a mission editor and several improvements to the interface show a disregard to do a proper review. It's no wonder that gaming sites are disappearing. Game sites like Daily Radar pull Howard Stern type stunts like destroying a PS2 to keep people amused rather then informed.

It's a good thing to know if you like something before you commit to it. I may be more of a poetaster then a poet so I keep my day job, when I can. I think that if I entertained the notion of having people pay me I might write differently. Better, more often, or worse? I don't know. I know that if you love anything enough you can eventually profit from it.

Another way is through religion. While not all things that came out of Hubbard were good. I have to wonder about the power of belief.

"I felt betrayed by the Church. They led me down a path and didn't deliver...Religion is a dehumanizing instrument....The Ten Commandments is a political document. You only need two. First, though shalt always be honest and true to the source of thy nookie. Second, though shalt try real hard not to kill anyone unless, of course, they deserve it."

- George Carlin

The Genome research is showing us that we share a lot in common with all other forms of life. Our superiority as humans is the equivalent of inheriting a deluxe set of Lego's rather then a few individual blocks.

I play a game with my cat where I hide her favorite toy (a fresh rubberband) and she searches for it, plays with it, and then drops it at my feet to start over. Some may argue that that shows cats are smarter then some people or at least those that are entertained by things more dumb then rubberbands.

If all life is connected, then it should be just as connected with the universe where it resides. The improbable nature to this universe may suggest that it is one of a possible infinite variety growing in a multi-dimensional fractal.

"The geometry of nature is fractal to the extent that if you look at many shapes in nature -- clouds, trees, et cetera -- small parts are the same as big parts; that's the definition of fractal."

- Benoit Mandlebrot

02.06.2001 @

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

-Samuel Johnson

When americans take a break from reading their gender appropriate literature they get in their undertaxed SUV and pick up their cellular phone to call their lawyer.

"I want Rosie's McCall's to be about the take-charge woman; the mom who knows that there's more to life than losing weight and getting gorgeous," she says.
The new magazine "will have less spirituality than Oprah's magazine and be more realistically crafty than Martha [Stewart]'s," O'Donnell said. "And it will have a lot more of my annoyingly Democratic politics in the middle."

- Rosie O'Donnell

Bill: But I've often said that if I had -- I have two dogs -- if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing --
[ Laughter ]
What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all.

- Bill Maher

I watched Friday's show that had Darrin Farrow on. Darrin payed 47 thousand in an ebay auction to appear.

Anyway, what we did is we auctioned off this seat on the internet, as people know, and you paid $47,000 for it. And I'm not trying to be picky here, but, you know, I'm not an internet guy. Mostly I think -- and this sort of feeds into my point -- is because I think it's about ego, the internet. I think it's about people just wanting to share more than the rest of us really need to have shared with. You know? Websites with people's diaries -- who cares? E-mail, "Hi, every thought I ever had in my head, I'd like to share it now."
[ Laughter ]
What happened to the days when diaries were under lock and key? Now people get pissed off if you don't read their diary. I don't want to know every thought that's in everybody's mind.

- Bill Maher

It is a typical point made from someone that has no understanding of the internet. Trying to think of the internet in terms of other media will usually result in this kind of misconception. A website can take on so many different forms that to call it a new kind of TV or postal service is only ever partially correct.

Ego on the internet is not much different from anywhere else. The elitist snubbing of other people's websites is such a waste of words. It tends to irk me when smart people waste their time whining about what other people do to amuse themselves. It's as if every instance of bad teenager writing existing in a public forum is a personal affront. You can choose not to visit a URL as easy as you can switch the channel. Perhaps if 90% of what is in radio, TV, magazines, movies, and music was not anything but a well produced turd, then 90% of what is on the internet would not be the rather unkempt crap that it is.

Your assignment is to email me whining about how I was whining about people whining about people's lame websites. I will whine you back and we will continue until one of us dies and a winner is declared.

There's a new party being born. The People Who Hate People Party.
"People who hate people, come together."
"No!"
We're kind of having trouble coming off the boards, but you know.
"Are you going to be there?"
"Yeah."
"Then I ain't fucking coming."
"Your our strongest member."
"Fuck you!"
"That's what I'm talking about. You Asshole!"
"Fuck Off!"
Damn, we almost had a meeting going.

- Bill Hicks, Rant in E Minor

I could stop right there but...

Now as soon as Bush's boys get that assassination law passed I have another idea for a show. Let's take part American Gladiators and part COPS to form American Assassins. Each week we select an enemy of the state like Osama bin Laden and have two teams of american soldiers try and take him out, live and uncut. So I'm talking a cable show. Actually, Bill was sort of on the same wavelength here with his show, Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyruss. Since I don't think Congress will declare any of the fevered egos in Hollywood enemies of the state I have another idea.

Celebrity Survivor. I finally decided to watch Survivor 2 and the sight of the "land-based animal" vegetarian compromising her moral stance since it would endanger her chance of getting the cash was enjoyable. Despite the fact that my current eating habits are the same I don't hold any moral qualms about eating meat. It's just that vegetarianism is so damn seductive and perhaps one day I can be a level 5 vegan of the Simpsons that doesn't eat anything that casts a shadow.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

-A. Whitney Brown

Since I'm on the subject of TV I would like to say that I did watch the debut of the XFL and we can all be grateful that they seem to want to give cheerleaders more airtime. The part of that article that was interesting to me was that "The league, which is hoping to capitalize on the post-Super Bowl lull in big sports events, maintains the "X" in its name doesn't stand for anything." That seems true of all the "X"ness that seems to be going around these days. ESPN decided to cover the X-games for their ESPN 2 channel which should have been named EXPN like FOX should have just dropped the "f" for their FX channel. You have to go all the way. As a member of generation X I know know this. As a former reader of the X-men I really know this. As a player of the game X-com I really, really know this. If you've ever been to X-entertainment then you know who's your daddy. Oh my, I can't believe I typed that horrid cliche. I need to get my head X-amined. Ah, I've become over-X-serted from this diss-X-tion of cultural X-crement. How could this happen? As an american I must blame something or someone. I choose Microsoft.

Ever since they announced the X-box I knew to X-pect them to X-pand into the rest of the un-X-plored "X" domain. Now they have X-posed the names of their next bug-rich OS, Windows XP, and their X-tremely over-featured applications suite, Office XP. I'm sure a huge marketing research effort was conducted that only a multi-billion dollar company could cough up. The headline that resulted...

New Versions of Microsoft's Flagship Products Designed to Enable and Deliver Exciting New Experiences for People at Home and at Work

I could just be using the internet too much?

In some ways, I'm in a constant state of culture shock with this country. It's a creature that seems to be falling apart, mutating, self-mutilating, self-immolating, self-hating, self-serving and yet surviving, at times even thriving.

"We're a virus with shoes."

-Bill Hicks, Rant in E minor

02.02.2001 @

Those who want the government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide.

-Harry Truman

"Devil-worshiping international conglomerates of giant magnitude."

-Lloyd Kaufman of Troma

How much confidence can you have in a government that can't even keep track of it's own tax income? Don't look to the scientists and other intellectual elite since most of them are engaging in studies of the obvious or completely irrelevant. It seems that the famous are as out of touch with reality as some of us are.

"Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog's repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become melancholic and inactive. This and other unforeseeable results were funded by taxing up to sixty percent of people's earnings. People became strangely melancholic and inactive."

-Slaughtermatic, Steve Aylett

The cult of consumerism survives on a steady supply of panacean products. Corporations make the products while paying the government to make sure we can't entertain ourselves cheaply.

The ever growing signs of the total failure of the drug war point to an inept media. They vie to interview the psycho Ted for ratings. They inflame events like Columbine so now even a child holding a chicken leg like a gun is punished. You don't trust each other and your government doesn't trust you.

To say all these factions are trying to keep people lazy, stupid, entertained in a fiscally, corporate sponsored manner is silly right?

Remember the FOX show Married with Children? After the show was cancelled the actress that played the daughter went on to another show with her in the title role, Jesse. Remember the WB show Unhappily Ever After that was a direct copy of the FOX show? Now the actress that played the daughter from that show is in a new one with her in the title role, NikkI. This may be proof that TV producers use the cut & paste feature in Word while coming up with their new season lineups rather then some greater conspiracy.

The growing number of bear related commercials on TV these days must mean something. First they seem funny. Then they mix the humor with violence. Finally they think this is funny. Bears are certainly dangerous if you don't know how to act among them.

It may be comforting to know that from parent's groups calling themselves PISSED to corporations naming their product WinCE (wince?) that idiocy knows no bounds. Comforting in the "we are all screwed" way. The dumbing down of communication enables more people to understand while sacrificing quality. The result is a society that becomes more involved with pop culture then who controls the culture, since those issues don't satisfy the entertainment levels geared up by the trend incubator of kid's early years.

To some degree I feel that Bush's ties to the far right will only force a lot of people to vote the whole lot of them out in four years. A third party needs to get it's act together and make a real fight for it. The Dems. have not proven any better. The country needs an enema.

- Game designers have a new pledge. While a lot of those rules are not going to be met by a many of the companies out there, I have a few games in mind that will work, but will I work in the game industry?

Age of Wonders 2 is now under development. Will it be a proper new version of Master of Magic? The same hopes are riding on Master of Orion 3.

I can't say the same for Duke Nukem Forever or Team Fortress 2. They appear to be stuck in development limbo. Then there is Sid who promises the world again with Civ 3.

Finally,

"I seem to get people finding some of my work and they then come on to my other projects. I'm like the Jesuits. If I get you at a certain age then I've got you for life."

-a Warren ellis interview [1][2]

01.29.2001 @

FiringSquad: Is weapon accuracy pretty much set, or will there be more adjustments in 1.1? When was the last time you actually adjusted weapon accuracy, recoil time, etc? It seems like the community complains after every single release.
Gooseman: Yeah, they do.. and it does get irritating having to convince people that I haven't changed a thing but take it from the horses mouth.. I haven't changed them since BETA 6.. but then again, I'm a freaking liar and I like to play mind games with everyone!! YEAH THAT's RIGHT.. I'm a freak lord.. and I change accuracies in between betas and it pisses off the testers ! hahaa.. I'm keeraaazyy .. I'm the accuracy changing FIEND!

-Gooseman AKA Minh Le is a programmer for the Halflife MOD Counter-Strike

I still haven't had the patience to try and get Weapon's Factory up and running. There is a bit of fear of becoming readdicted to the MOD.

I am craving distractions to rouse me out of a general anxiety about the future. I don't think I can actually relax until I see that first paycheck of a new job. Surfing on the web has not made me feel any better.

Another thing that is bothering me is the discovery that I am missing an entire box of comics. Lots of it was the typically obscure ones that I have little chance of finding again. I did find that at least one of the series that I lost is available as a collected book. That series was called Moonshadow by J.M. Matteis. Another series that I lost was Akira, which is new being reprinted as a 6 volume set and the movie is being remastered and will be rereleased in theaters this spring with a DVD to boot.

This just goes to show that when making a list you are bound to leave out a lot of good things. I'm sure the AFI knows what I mean. People just loving ranking things and I know who to blame.

Some sort of deeper competitive instinct may be the culprit. The kind of thing that makes even smart people do strange things.

So it is the natural progression to start rating something once it has gotten big enough. Then others can mock you.

As for me, I think I just need to try and silence those critical voices. After all, it's the start of a new year, new beginnings, new... stuff.

"As 2001 gets going so do I! This year is going to be a good one! I can feel it! I'm off to Spain next week to do a commercial I'll tell you more about it later. Lots of interesting stuff on OneWorldLive so check it out!"

-Melanie Griffith from her recovery journal

(2) Do not attempt to fill the Jesus doll with Helium. Only the real Jesus has the right to ascend to heaven.

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy."

-from Life of Brian-hear it

Just in case you missed it, Melanie's site also has a warning:

"This information is not intended to substitute for medical and/or therapeutic advice. You should not use this information or advice to diagnose or treat a problem or disease without consulting a qualified health care provider. Any therapeutic, medical or other decisions should be made in consultation with your qualified health care provider. This is not an endorsement of any treatment, medication, or products discussed herein. You are encouraged to consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns you may have with regard to your condition."

Another star that seems to have big plans for the future is our buddy Arnold.

"I'm like Jesse Ventura, but I can identify with both major parties. I think both have interesting ideas, so why not work with both?"

"But Harry, he molested, murdered, and mutilated her."

-from the Arnold carnage classic, Raw Deal

Don't bother pointing out that because he wasn't born in the US the Constitution states he can't be president. The Constitution is a few hundred years old and if you saw End of Days, then you know Arnold beat Satan who is a lot older and tougher.

Of course, there is someone that can beat Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Dear Arnold,

My friends and I were discussing what some of the greatest (cinematic) battles would be. Of course, your name came up very quickly, and we put you up against Yoda. Most of my friends tell me that you'd lose to Yoda because Yoda has the force on his side and will just use his mind to throw you into the wall a few times. However, I beg to differ with them. Yes, Yoda has the force. Yes, Yoda could probably throw you into a wall a few times. But, when has a wall ever stopped you? From being crucified to surviving a nuclear explosion, I think a wall would be child's play...

Although these are good arguments, there is still one that is far above the others. What does Arnold do best? The impossible. If defeating Yoda is impossible, then you would do it... I'm curious as to how you'd answer such a ludicrous question: Who would win, you or Yoda? And why?

- solymot@alleg.edu

This is the funniest question anyone's ever asked me and, to be honest, when it was forwarded to me, I thought at first someone in my office was just trying to have fun with me. But after I read it, I thought, why not? It's kind of an interesting question. Let's have fun. Actually, I've seen the STAR WARS films a few times, and of course, my kids like them tremendously (there's even a life-size Yoda in the conference room at the office -- a gift from a friend). Although I wouldn't consider myself an expert, what I can say about Yoda is that he's character with a strong, serious mind and a disciplined will. To become a Jedi Master, Yoda would have had to work very hard and make tremendous sacrifices. He would have needed to spend tremendous hours training; levitating rocks, practicing with his light saber, that sort of thing.

By now, I think you'll see what I'm getting at; becoming a Jedi Master is not unlike becoming a champion bodybuilder, or becoming an actor. I worked hard in the gym to become a champion, and I worked very hard to become an actor, and I couldn't have done any of it without commitment, and that takes discipline and willpower first. The mind is actually more powerful than the body, because it is our will that helps us shape everything else around us, whether it's our careers, how we help our communities or even if it's just making time for our families.

So who would win? Possibly Yoda, but I'm sure I'd kick his butt in a pose-down!

So the movie I want to see is Arnold & Jesse in Executive Action Team with Rob Riener directing or the comic book with Alan Moore writing. The unbeatable team defending important American values, landmarks, and secrets like those 11 herbs and spices.

01.21.2001 @

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

-G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

"The sorry fact is that while the secular publication on whose board I serve receives its share of mediocre submissions, when it comes to the truly awful stuff, the religious publications win hands down."

If I am to learn anything at all from my experience with the folks at Poetry.com, it is that there are enough poets out there for everyone's taste or lack of. I finally got my hands on the book I was fortunate to be included, The Peace to Come. I don't have the strength to read through all 249 pages that contain some of the worst poems I've ever read. This is a pure money maker for the editors. They allowed the poets to purchase copies at $50 a pop. 249 pages with an average of 7 poems a page equals $87,150 and even when taking out the $1,000 prize that got me into this, it's a nice incentive to publish.

"Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read."

- Frank Zappa, 1978

The realm of popular opinion seems to deem the best albums of the 90's are pop and I can think of some of the best albums of the ones that I own from the 90's in semi-alpha order.

• Alice in Chains - Dirt: The height of drug rock nostalgia
• Birds at the End of the Road (now Mother Factor) - Chowderbox: I saw them in Chicago a while back and want more.
• Beck - Odelay: One of the few I could listen to from start to finish, but his next album was not my taste at all
• Beastie Boys - The In sound from way out: Instrumental masterpiece of smooth jazzy tunes.
• Blue Man Group - Audio: Ought to satisfy your craving for something different, even though I have yet to see the live show, this entertains.
• The Crow soundtrack: It contains the only Cure song I ever liked and even of other strong bands that it makes up for the movie's complete mangling of the original comic book story.
• Cypress Hill - "self-titled debut",Skull & Bones: As obvious NORML supporters the first album spoke to many and S&B's Superstar is one of my favorites of all they produced.
• Dream Theater - Images and Words, Awake: Some of the best to come out of what tends to be called progressive rock.
• Fugazi - Instrument: Infinitely listenable.
• Fantomas - Fanotmas: Scares small children and small pets. Death metal taken to it's logical extreme. Funny in small doses. Recommended only in small doses.
• Gravity Kills - Manipulated: Good remixes of the best songs of a dead (?) band.
• Incubus - S.C.I.E.N.C.E.: Another hybrid fusion of music styles where it actually works.
• Judgement Night soundtrack - Contains strange, strange joint effort songs. Helmet & House of Pain,Faith No More & Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E., Mudhoney & Sir Mix-A-Lot, Pearl Jam & Cypress Hill. I have yet to see the movie, but damn I love this strange CD.
• Liquid Tension Experiment: Mostly members of Dream Theater jamming away. Lucky me.
• Ministry - Psalm 69, Filth Pig: The best of loud obnoxious music from Al.
• Mother Love Bone - Apple: We miss ya Andrew
• Macross Plus soundtrack I & II: There is just something great about this soundtrack. Voices, Torch song, and 3cm are amazing.
• Mike Patton - Adult Themes for Voice: An experimental tapestry of sound. If for any reason you are having a problem getting people to leave a party, put this on and your problems will run away. Though they may never come back.
• Mr Bungle - "self-titled debut", California: Another Patton vehicle that refuses to fit any genre
• Nine Inch Nails - Broken, The Downward Spiral, Fragile: NIN rarely sucks.
• Phish - Billy Breathes: They tend to annoy me, but this one doesn't bother me as much.
• Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese: The anti-pop folks at their best.
• Process - One Drop or Two?: Dark, deep, good techno
• Rage Against the Machine - "self-titled debut": It's almost worth thinking of this as their only album.
• Radio Pascani - Fanfare Ciocarlia: The best of fast brass.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magic: Sure Under the Bridge may be overplayed, but it's still good.
• Rush - Different Stages live: Since they did not manage to release a really good album in a while (although Counterparts was OK) it was great to hear new versions of Xanadu, Cygnus X-1, Natural Science, and 2112. Geddy couldn't hit though high notes as well as he used to, but the show was amazing. Being 4th row center stage at the United center while surrounded by friends helped too.
• Rob Zombie - American Music to Strip By: Some of the best remixes of Zombie hits that usually sound the same, but jam here.
• Soundgarden - BadMotorFinger, SuperUnknown: Sure there is Nirvana, but everyone owns Nirvana so I own Soundgarden.
• Sublime - Second-hand smoke: regge-pop works for me.
• Suicidal Tendencies - Lights, Camera, Revolution: Guilty pleasures are the best.
• Static X - Wisconsin Death Trip: More of the loud, obnoxious music that gets ya through daily chores.
• Tool - Anima: Bill Hicks is another Dead American Hero and this Tools tribute works
• Temple of the Dog: Another tribute album that works
• Velvet Acid Christ - Church of Acid: More hardcore tunes for ya
• WumpScut - Born Again: Good remixes of nasty hardcore music

As you can probably see I try and find strange albums. Variety is good. One group called Mr. Bungle I found recently got some attention because of an indirect reference. Mr. Bungle itself is a reference to one of those 60's films depicting a misfit student.

A virtual community such as LambdaMOO is one of many types of Multi user object oriented text environments that are an addiction to many. Everquest takes the multi-user aspect and adds graphics and perhaps more addiction. Of course, virtual communities can be as simple as newsgroups or the message areas of websites. Howard Rheingold describes one of the problems with these communities is that it can create more isolation as more time is spent in front of computers and not in front of people.

Virtual communication allows one to be a shapeshifter or worse. People just want to talk to someone even if it's not real. Some people don't want to appear real at all.

One unwelcome site that appears almost anywhere in communities is graffiti. There are ways to interpret gang graffiti. As for geek graffiti, it is at least environmentally friendly.

01.19.2001 @

"She did a huge, big full-bodied shake and as she came down she sensed my skin and just gone chomp - sunk her teeth into my leg and did a head shake which messed it up a little."

-Steve Irwin, "Crocodile Hunter"

It soon became apparent when I caught myself uttering "bugger this" that I had to do something. Or did I? Sure, maybe the fact that I haven't eaten at The Elephant & Castle in a while is only because I haven't had much cash to spend. Maybe the fact that I've been listening to Gatecrashers and Global Underground stuff and started reading Against A Dark Background by the Brit Ian M. Banks because they were recommendations from a friend...who just happens to be Australian. This isn't some conspiracy to get me to watch Cricket on cable.

Speaking of cable, I watched this show on the BBC channel (ack!), 'A Man and His Dog'. I was stuck watching it for the duration in a mixed state of awe and horror. Lucky me got to see the finals of the Sheepherders olympics or whatever it was. I don't know how long it was on since time started to distort a bit for me. Watching a man guide his dog to guide sheep around an obstacle course does that to me.

Anyhow, I realize that this all began with comic books. Why most good comic book writers come from England is a mystery to me. Comics have been maturing into something that even adults can claim to like without shame. Not everyone agrees that the comic book industry is doing well, but now there are comics for everyone and places to help you start your own.

So let's have a look:

The Publishers:

• Marvel got a shot in the arm with the X-men and Blade movies after a long track record of utter crap movies like Punisher. I haven't bought a comic with a big 'M' in the corner for a long time.
• DC has enjoyed the success of their Vertigo line and I read quite a few of them. Their movies start out strong and then go to shit in the sequels.
• Dark Horse will license anything, but having Sin City and Grendel keeps them honest.
• Image rides on Todd McFarlane's ego full steam ahead. Todd may or may not be a thief when it comes to his writing, but I can't hack Spawn anymore after seeing the POS that was the movie.
• Wildstorm another company built on strong artists with derivative titles like Gen 13 and Wetworks, but they have given Alan Moore his America's Best Comics line.
• Event Comics and Acclaim are some of the other companies out there slagging it out with the big wallet types and the big ego types.

• Will Eisner is one of the best things that has happened to comics.
• Scott McCloud understands comics and is good enough to share that.
• Neil Gainmen got me interested in comics after Marvel burned me out. The Sandman is what did it for me and now I read his novels.
• David Sim is going to write the longest running series ever. So far, so good.
• Eddie Campbell is one of those bastards that can write and draw.
• Garth Ennis did Preacher. He could write crap for now on and I'd still buy it.
• Terry Moore brought us Strangers in Paradise. How nice of him.
• Warren Ellis has done a lot but Transmetropolitan is the best yet.
• Alan Moore reinvented Swamp Thing and then dropped the bomb with Watchmen. Now he's writing like crazy and here's to no one stopping him.
• Jamie Delano helped Hellblazer along and is now doing a great job with Outlaw Nation
• Grant Morrison is one subversive bastard. You only have to look so far as Invisibles.

• Alternative Comics
• Comics international
• Captain Comics
• Fandom
• World Famous Comics
• Comics Continuum
• Comic Book Resources
• IGN SciFi Comics
• News Askew
• Reactor
• European Comics
• Comics 2 Film

So much to read...

- Strange music fills the air when you have the Theremin and a Glass Harmonica.

- Yet another weblogger fad.

Recently I found that Jack linked back to me. It was only luck that I caught it. So should I start actually taking and checking referral logs? Nah. Feedback is good, but I rather just post what comes to mind then worry about who reads what. After all, this is link worthy and not crush worthy. BTW, I'm just playing on the site name and not the site.

01.15.2001 @

"I have a Dream."

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

In order to offer some peace of mind to those concerned, I should be counted among the employed by the end of the month. As another peace lover, John Lennon, once said, "I get by with a little help from my friends." Indeed, it's good to have friends.

Though the question may still remain, the question of "Why You No Longer Have a Job." So let me explain:

1)Your bosses were idiots.

An interesting point. I find myself citing the CEO's lack of Internet business experience as a big factor. Business experience alone doesn't seem to cut it.

2)Their businesses made no sense

Initially the idea was shaky, but could be done with the right people. Soon they started talking about verticals and striving to have something strikingly different. What business there was started to dilute into something that tried to be everything for everyone.

3)They had no idea how to run a business

The writing was on the wall when we had the meeting where the CEO stated, "The morale must improve." I've never been ordered to have good morale before. It had quite the opposite effect. My morale had been quite good and now I was suspicious. Then he tells us that the company is kaput in the next meeting via speaker-phone.

4)They assumed more money was in the pipeline

This point hits home. The CEO promised everyone that things were fine and we were sure to have money up to March or April. Several people, including myself, broke leases, left their home countries, on his promise. Why we kept believing anything he had to say is a mystery to me. He got us to work another week to archive everything with the promise of 2 weeks severance. I even bought some hardware based on that. They cashed my check but we have yet to see a dime of severance.

5)They believed in the power of marketing over service

One sin that did not occur. This part never even entered into the mix.

6)They expected too much from the technology

A 'yes' and a 'no'. They managed to hire, eventually, a team that could do what they wanted, but they kept wanting more. The business plan bloated and mutated before they even tried to get the initial piece together. Finally, it was so bloated that it needed lots of customers with high bandwidth and the market is not there yet. The CEO went into meetings looking for 15+ million to build something that should have started at 1 million first and grew.

Also, a CEO should know the difference between a demo and a prototype.

7)They mistook the business they were in

They weren't sure what business they wanted to be in. When your business plan changes after every single meeting with potential investors, you might be lacking a little direction.

8)Your company was a cult

"Morale must improve."

Not a cult, but I've seen employee's treated better at Taco Bell.

9)Your co-workers were spoiled brats

I wasn't there long enough to catch a lot of the "All My Children" aspect of it, but it was there. Some of the stories I've heard run the gambit of sad, sick, and surreal.

10)There were too many of you

We were full steam ahead to self-destruction and since I am a dot com newbie I missed the early warning signs that stare at me in big bold hindsight now. Too many people and no leadership where it was supposed to be.

You can probably see that I blame the CEO for a great deal of what happened. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt on his ignorance and intentions. His last promise of severance is hanging like 'The Sword of Damocles' on my final judgement.

Even though it looks like things are on the up and up for a new job, I am tempted to write up a sweet looking resume just for the recruiting incentives.

After all, when it comes to most crimes it pays to be rich or white.

By the way, I do love the part in the latter link that goes, "Prosecutors are contemplating sending stern letters to the suspects warning them to keep their noses clean." I love the double entendre.

It seems that the huge failure that is the drug war is becoming a mainstream topic. The new movie Traffic is set to educate the masses. Drug references are everywhere and every government is still taking things seriously. The hypocrisy continues.

When making wild accusations and not so auspicious speculations you know it's time to pull religion into the fray. Since Jesus was a ganja guru we know he'd be for ending the drug war. Still, I'm sure most Christians don't see it that way, but are they real Christians? There are tests.

They have to have a sense of humor about these things. Some have to learn to stop trying to force their views on others. That kind of thing makes people react badly since everyone makes mistakes we all need to be more tolerant of other's beliefs no matter how strange they make seem. Of course, when it comes to Oprah I just wish she would disappear from public instead of turning up in movies and magazines. Her career based on being a blatant sycophant to fractured female egos makes my skin crawl.

It's not so much the message, but that I get the taste of hypocrisy in my mouth. I got the same taste when seeing the HBO first look special on Pay It Forward. The message is fine, but I go to movies to be entertained and to not sit through utopian fantasies based on ideas stolen from Magnificent Obsession. Much more entertaining is Satan's version, Needful Things.

I suppose I need to be more tolerant. That trait seems to be in short supply these days. It strikes me a bit odd that Jorn of Robotwisdom would post a headline like that. The whole Palestinian/Israeli conflict is a powderkeg of pain wanting to engulf everyone. Why?

For us, it seems to come down to oil, money, the usual suspects. Israel gives the US a foothold into the Middle-East and many economic ties that are painful to sever. The question is if it's worth funding a country that seems to be practising apartheid and creating hatred from a large number of people.

"If the Supreme Court had given the order to destroy my house, it would have happened the very next day. But since the order was to build a house for me, I probably won't get it even if I wait another 20 years. That is racism,"

It's the worst sort of irony that Western guilt over World War 2 only perpetuates hatred towards those same people. So many people on both sides don't really care, but it's always the fanatical few that have enough energy to keep this going. It doesn't matter how much you try and Pay It Forward there are all kinds of people out there that won't. This doesn't mean good works are a waste of time, it just means that you can't change everyone.

It's hard to have faith in anything, especially people. The people I have encountered that really believed in something always kind of scared me. If God wanted people to believe in one version, then I think it would be made a little clearer. H