Danke Schön, darling Danke Schön. Thank you for that that link again. Paypal Ho's, second AIM account, was the place we'd meet, HaX0r L33t, go Aeron seat, we're in heat.
Danke Schön, darling Danke Schön. Thank you for chats since BBS time. I can be, online so anonymously, lamers whined, for your time, yours and mine, avatar's so fine.
Danke Schön, darling Danke Schön. Thank you for sending worms in spam. I reboot, Whatever Win it's moot, how we should upgrade, we were played, I was made, to purchase RAM.
Danke Schön, darling Danke Schön. Thank you for not posting a flame. Though we ping, from our separate sites, still google saves sans copyrights, for those nights, your site bites, Danke Schön.
I just had to join the fun, but I am no where near talented enough or brave enough to put out my own mp3. Sorry! I'm not a master of the truck driver's gear change or even a simple tracker program. Which does reminds me that I have yet to put up my Music MOD site. Anyway, if any brave blogger wishes to try singing Danke Schön, all I ask is the link back for the writing credit. You can also find it on Faith's site whose been celebrating her Bloggiversary.
A lot of hooha is being batted around about blogs. You'd think that year after year of bloggies failures it would sink in to some people that it's just not worth your time to make statements about such a freakishly uncontrollable thing. We've learned that web designers aren't singers or warbloggers and that warbloggers are full of bias. There's your Shock and Awe!
OK. I understand how blogging boggles the minds of media journalists. They can't slap a firm label on it and why should anyone? Then there is all this crystal ball bullshit being bounced about by the bloggers themselves. And the advice! Oh man. That grates at me for some reason. So without further delay I have to rag on at least one blogger as I said I might do.
1. Choose an updating tool that is easy to use. Try out several services. Some are free, some cost a little money, but don't commit to a tool until you have had a chance to try it out. Pick the one that works best for you.
It's hard for me to adequately express the uselessness of this tip. Maybe I want to choose an updating tool that is hard to use. Perhaps I don't want to try out a single service no matter how free or cheap. Maybe I don't want to commit to any of them and won't pick one at all. It has little to do with making a better weblog, it has everything to do with making a weblog just like everyone else's from the get go.
2. Determine your purpose. Weblogs are used to filter information, organize businesses, share family news, establish professional reputations, foment social change, and muse about the meaning of life. Knowing what you hope to accomplish with your weblog will allow you to begin in a more focused way.
Screw that! Don't get bogged down by any preconceived notions of what you have to do. Your purpose can be as dynamic as you wish and most will enjoy the ride. If not, FUCK em. You don't owe anyone anything. You just have to do what you want. That's the point! Screw referrers, screw hits, and screw shares! As long as you are true to yourself your words will resonate with like souls and that is the most important gift your little blog can give you, connections to like minds.
3. Know your intended audience. You conduct yourself differently with your friends than you do with professional associates, strangers, customers, or your grandmother. Knowing for whom you are writing will allow you to adopt an appropriate tone.
Just in case you thought that this writing had any difference from any other sort a of public writing. I suppose this is helpful for the moronic masses that would post stupid shit, but really? Who gives a shit about them? Frankly, I look for this kind of stuff and shame on Rebecca blood for trying to rob me of this pastime.
4. Be real. Even a professional weblog can be engaging. Avoid marketese. Speak in a real voice about real things.
OK. I can't argue. But, screw you if you need to hear this, because now I have to do more homework to sniff your fake ass out.
5. Write about what you love. A weblog is the place for strong opinions, whether about politics, music, social issues, gardening, or your profession. The more engaged you are with your subject, the more interesting your writing will be.
How is this different from #3? I could go on, but it would only become more insulting.
6. Update frequently. Interested readers will return to your site if there is likely to be something new. You needn't update every day, but try to post several times a week.
Be consistent. Readers care about what you think. They will know whether you like to update daily, weekly, monthly, or whatever. They will know that you will update when you have something to say and not just punch a clock. That's what work is for. Update at your own pace. This is not a competition. This is communication. Fuck those pundits that think they have to update every hour. They don't have time to think about anything and links can be pulled from a lot of places, good commentary can't.
7. Establish your credibility. To the best of your ability, be truthful. Be respectful to your audience and to your fellow bloggers. Understand that on the Internet, your words may live forever, whether they are self-published or archived on another site. In the Weblog Handbook, I propose a set of Weblog Ethics; think about your own standards, and then adhere to them.
People will give you shit for what you write. Fuck em. Those in your audience that you care about are rooting for you anyway and don't give a crap what blogger Bob says. Your words may live for a while, forever is just too damn optimistic, but in either case you should have an answer ready. My favorite is "I used to believe in Santa too!" or simply "does free speech bother you bitch?"
8. Link to your sources. The Web allows a transparency that no other medium can duplicate. When you link to a news story, an essay, a government document, a speech, or another blogger's entry, you allow your readers access to your primary material, empowering them to make informed judgements.
Shit, if your readers can't handle Google, fuck em. But I admit it helps to have a link handy for your own use.
9. Link to other weblogs. Your readers may enjoy being introduced to the weblogs you most enjoy reading. The Web is a democratic medium and bloggers amplify each other's voices when they link to each other. Generously linking to other weblogs enlarges the grassroots network of information sharing and social alliances we are creating together on the Web.
Oh just say it! The more the link-whore the better! That is, if you give a shit. But to tell you the truth, (Alien concept to Rebecca. How can you write a book about weblogs and not know shit?) You can link to as many fucking blogs as you want and still have the worst blog ever. Better blog my ass.
10. Be patient. Most weblog audiences are small, but with time and regular updates your audience will grow. You may never have more than a few hundred readers, but the people who return to your site regularly will come because they are interested in what you have to say.
If you ever care about who reads your site, it may ruin everything. Never, EVER write for them! I know when I have a good update if it makes me laugh, cry, or sick to my stomach. I CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL, I MUST WRITE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL!
Bonus tip: Have fun! Whether your weblog is a hobby or a professional tool, it will be more rewarding for you if you allow yourself to experiment a little. Even a subject-specific weblog benefits from a bit of whimsy now and again.
Argh! Bonus my ass. WTF is this?
I know, ripping on Rebecca Blood may seem like sour grapes, but I call it like I see it. She is full of shit and it's scary to think how many awful ideas her book has validated. Web designers might be able to make pretty pages, but they should lay off the content commentary.